Isn't It Specific, Don't Ya Think?

I understand that one of the benefits of Upwork is that it offers a large freelance community from which to hire. This makes it more likely that you'll be able to find someone with the exact mix of skills you're searching for. But sometimes the specifics get a little out of hand.

Sure, you want a skilled writer who also has a grasp on SEO and is comfortable writing about technology. That's specific, but those people are out there. But what about this one that I came across?

"I'm seeking a blog writer, content creator, and creative extraordinaire with a specialization in craft beer."

Okay, that is quite specific, but there are likely a handful of writers that also have knowledge of the craft beer niche. But wait, there's more...

"More specifically, experience in writing social justice, diversity and inclusion, and advocacy pieces is appreciated."

So, what I hear you saying is that you're looking for a social justice warrior who brews craft beer and is an excellent writer? Yeah, that's kinda specific. And THEN one of the questions applicants have to answer is, "What past project or job have you had that is most like this one and why?"

Oh, right, because there was that other job I had where I was writing about social justice and inclusion in the kombucha brewing niche. I'm basically a social justice activist by day and a brewer by night. Oh, and I'm a writer. Writing, brewing, and social activism—that's me!

Here's another one.

"Copy writer needed for NYT best-selling author."

Okay, so that implies a certain set of necessary skills.

"I am looking for someone with a psychology background..."

Pretty specific now, but I'm sure those people are out there.

"If you've done stand-up comedy, it will be a plus!"

You guys, I'm not even kidding.

So, a writer with a degree in psychology who has the comedic chops to perform in front of others? That's who you're looking for? And again, there's the question posed about past jobs you've had that were similar.

Last year I did a one-woman show about Sigmund Freud. I wrote it myself. Brought the house down.

Comments

The One That Got Away

I recently applied to and did not get a position posted for a "retro candy blogger." I honestly don't think I have ever been so disappointed by not getting a job. If I'm being honest, though, I really just wanted it so that I could eat candy at my desk all day and say I was doing research. If my kids tried to talk to me I could say, with a mouthful of jelly beans, "Don't interrupt me! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M WORKING HERE?!" I mean, I do that now anyway, but it's considered "bad parenting" instead of "a good work ethic."

Wait, What Are You Looking For?

"Ghost writing autobiographies" Wait, you are a ghost writing autobiographies, or you're looking for a ghost to write autobiographies? Those are two completely different things. "Needs content for teeth aligned companies" I am assuming you mean teeth-alignment companies. Or do all of these companies have perfect dental alignment? I didn't think companies had teeth, but I'm no expert. "Email newsletters, blog posts, and possibly email drip campaign copywriting (in edgy swagger voice)" In what? Am I supposed to know what "edgy swagger" means? Is that a term a lot of people are using? "Responsive Squarespace Website for Infant" I don't think most babies can read. Or navigate websites. Or sit up. "Dog product testor" Do you want a person to test these products? Or are you searching for dogs? You're much more likely to find them on Pupwork. Oh, never mind, you're looking for a testor, not a tester. Carry

The Romans Finally Left! CANNONBALL!!

This job opportunity on Upwork is no longer available, which surprises me, because it means somebody actually attempted to do it. "Newsletter for Jewish Holidays We are a contractor on the pool business and we need a content writer to specifically write content for our newsletters that are sent on Jewish holidays. Need someone that understands the Jewish culture and can create connections between a pool company and Jewish holidays." Here's the problem—if you understand Jewish culture, you also understand that there are no connections to swimming pools that could possibly be made. Most of our holidays are about celebrating that we escaped persecution, eating special high-calorie foods, or celebrating that we escaped persecution by eating special high-calorie foods. Rosh Hashanah What it is? The Jewish New Year. It is one of the High Holidays. Jews who never go to temple go on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. It's like the Jewish equivalent of Christmas and Easter in t

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