Do You Have Any Fingers Left? Great! Now Write Me a Story.

"Writers wanted for true Colorado Outdoor Adventure Stories

I am looking for EXTREMELY adventurous TRUE stories from your own experience.

Encounters with wildlife
Lost in the wilderness
Lost on the mountain in a blizzard
Ice climbing close call"

Now, after you crawl back home with your severed leg from the bear attack and your bloody finger stumps from the unfortunate frostbite incident, write me a story! You can peck at the keys with your face if you have to.

Oh, and can you make it funny? My readers love funny. Like, "how was I supposed to know that grizzly bears love Clif Bars??? So there I am, with only one leg, and nothing to eat! I just wanted to laugh, but thought I better conserve my energy since I was bleeding out on the trail."

For your harrowing story of true bravery and infected bite wounds, I will pay you $5. But remember, your name would be on it! How exciting! Now none of your friends will EVER go on a trip with you again. And really your name isn't going to be used much anymore anyhow, because you'll be going by your new nickname of Stumpy or Griz or something like that.

Fewer than five men have managed to face-type their proposals so far.

Back to writing everyone!

Sadie

Comments

The One That Got Away

I recently applied to and did not get a position posted for a "retro candy blogger." I honestly don't think I have ever been so disappointed by not getting a job. If I'm being honest, though, I really just wanted it so that I could eat candy at my desk all day and say I was doing research. If my kids tried to talk to me I could say, with a mouthful of jelly beans, "Don't interrupt me! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M WORKING HERE?!" I mean, I do that now anyway, but it's considered "bad parenting" instead of "a good work ethic."

Wait, What Are You Looking For?

"Ghost writing autobiographies" Wait, you are a ghost writing autobiographies, or you're looking for a ghost to write autobiographies? Those are two completely different things. "Needs content for teeth aligned companies" I am assuming you mean teeth-alignment companies. Or do all of these companies have perfect dental alignment? I didn't think companies had teeth, but I'm no expert. "Email newsletters, blog posts, and possibly email drip campaign copywriting (in edgy swagger voice)" In what? Am I supposed to know what "edgy swagger" means? Is that a term a lot of people are using? "Responsive Squarespace Website for Infant" I don't think most babies can read. Or navigate websites. Or sit up. "Dog product testor" Do you want a person to test these products? Or are you searching for dogs? You're much more likely to find them on Pupwork. Oh, never mind, you're looking for a testor, not a tester. Carry

The Romans Finally Left! CANNONBALL!!

This job opportunity on Upwork is no longer available, which surprises me, because it means somebody actually attempted to do it. "Newsletter for Jewish Holidays We are a contractor on the pool business and we need a content writer to specifically write content for our newsletters that are sent on Jewish holidays. Need someone that understands the Jewish culture and can create connections between a pool company and Jewish holidays." Here's the problem—if you understand Jewish culture, you also understand that there are no connections to swimming pools that could possibly be made. Most of our holidays are about celebrating that we escaped persecution, eating special high-calorie foods, or celebrating that we escaped persecution by eating special high-calorie foods. Rosh Hashanah What it is? The Jewish New Year. It is one of the High Holidays. Jews who never go to temple go on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. It's like the Jewish equivalent of Christmas and Easter in t

Downworker

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