The One That Got Away

I recently applied to and did not get a position posted for a "retro candy blogger." I honestly don't think I have ever been so disappointed by not getting a job. If I'm being honest, though, I really just wanted it so that I could eat candy at my desk all day and say I was doing research. If my kids tried to talk to me I could say, with a mouthful of jelly beans, "Don't interrupt me! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M WORKING HERE?!" I mean, I do that now anyway, but it's considered "bad parenting" instead of "a good work ethic."

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Seeking Non-Empowered Woman for Empowered Women's Blog

Just found a job posting for an editor position. The hirer describes herself as a "business coach for a women-empowerment brand. She plans to pay her editor $7 to $10 an hour. So, she's all about empowering women, but she's not going to hire an empowered woman, because no empowered woman would accept less than minimum wage for her editing skills! It appears that there is, unfortunately, no shortage of unempowered women as 20 to 50 of them have already applied to the job. Didn't you people learn anything from The Devil Wears Prada?! Go watch it again, sister. After all, you would only be losing $15 of billable time. Get back to work empowered readers, Sadie

Wait, What Are You Looking For?

"Ghost writing autobiographies" Wait, you are a ghost writing autobiographies, or you're looking for a ghost to write autobiographies? Those are two completely different things. "Needs content for teeth aligned companies" I am assuming you mean teeth-alignment companies. Or do all of these companies have perfect dental alignment? I didn't think companies had teeth, but I'm no expert. "Email newsletters, blog posts, and possibly email drip campaign copywriting (in edgy swagger voice)" In what? Am I supposed to know what "edgy swagger" means? Is that a term a lot of people are using? "Responsive Squarespace Website for Infant" I don't think most babies can read. Or navigate websites. Or sit up. "Dog product testor" Do you want a person to test these products? Or are you searching for dogs? You're much more likely to find them on Pupwork. Oh, never mind, you're looking for a testor, not a tester. Carry ...

You'd Better Not Be Lying About the Pizzas!

Although I started this blog recently, the original idea for it came more than a year ago, not long after I started looking for jobs on Upwork. This was how the post began. "I want an experienced writer who is interested in pizza cooking. You'd better have 1-year experience on pizza cooking." You'd better have one year of experience cooking pizzas? Is that meant to sound like a threat, because it sounds like a threat. Don't come to me with ten months of pizza-baking experience and think I won't know! I mean, STOP WASTING MY TIME! Luckily I haven't encountered any other pizza-baking, cookbook-creating potential employers using strong-arm tactics since.

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