The One That Got Away

I recently applied to and did not get a position posted for a "retro candy blogger." I honestly don't think I have ever been so disappointed by not getting a job. If I'm being honest, though, I really just wanted it so that I could eat candy at my desk all day and say I was doing research. If my kids tried to talk to me I could say, with a mouthful of jelly beans, "Don't interrupt me! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M WORKING HERE?!" I mean, I do that now anyway, but it's considered "bad parenting" instead of "a good work ethic."

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Do You Have Any Fingers Left? Great! Now Write Me a Story.

"Writers wanted for true Colorado Outdoor Adventure Stories I am looking for EXTREMELY adventurous TRUE stories from your own experience. Encounters with wildlife Lost in the wilderness Lost on the mountain in a blizzard Ice climbing close call" Now, after you crawl back home with your severed leg from the bear attack and your bloody finger stumps from the unfortunate frostbite incident, write me a story! You can peck at the keys with your face if you have to. Oh, and can you make it funny? My readers love funny. Like, "how was I supposed to know that grizzly bears love Clif Bars??? So there I am, with only one leg, and nothing to eat! I just wanted to laugh, but thought I better conserve my energy since I was bleeding out on the trail." For your harrowing story of true bravery and infected bite wounds, I will pay you $5. But remember, your name would be on it! How exciting! Now none of your friends will EVER go on a trip with you again. And really your name isn...

Wait, What Are You Looking For?

"Ghost writing autobiographies" Wait, you are a ghost writing autobiographies, or you're looking for a ghost to write autobiographies? Those are two completely different things. "Needs content for teeth aligned companies" I am assuming you mean teeth-alignment companies. Or do all of these companies have perfect dental alignment? I didn't think companies had teeth, but I'm no expert. "Email newsletters, blog posts, and possibly email drip campaign copywriting (in edgy swagger voice)" In what? Am I supposed to know what "edgy swagger" means? Is that a term a lot of people are using? "Responsive Squarespace Website for Infant" I don't think most babies can read. Or navigate websites. Or sit up. "Dog product testor" Do you want a person to test these products? Or are you searching for dogs? You're much more likely to find them on Pupwork. Oh, never mind, you're looking for a testor, not a tester. Carry ...

Downworker

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