Luxurious and Opulent

This morning I came across a job post from someone who needed "a blog writer who has experience writing about luxurious opulent pieces." The fact that I don't even know what would qualify as a "luxurious opulent piece" means I'm clearly not qualified, but it left me wondering what that even means. Like, what would said person's resume look like?

Things I like to write about:

Couches that are only comfortable if you drape yourself on them like a pouty supermodel
Chairs that should never be touched
Gold things
Diamond-encrusted things
Everyday items that are never to be used for their intended purpose (teapots that cannot get wet, shoes that could never be walked in, etc.)
Items that require descriptions like festooned, brocaded, filigreed, and gilded

I'm the exact opposite of luxurious and opulent. What would that be? Destitute and economical? Common and depressed? I'm going to go with modest and utilitarian. I like my teapots to make tea, and I'm not into bedazzling anything.

Interestingly, the hiring organization has paid an average of $12.78 per hour to their past hires. Nobody is going to be bedazzling anything on that income.

Time to get back to work,

Sadie

Comments

The One That Got Away

I recently applied to and did not get a position posted for a "retro candy blogger." I honestly don't think I have ever been so disappointed by not getting a job. If I'm being honest, though, I really just wanted it so that I could eat candy at my desk all day and say I was doing research. If my kids tried to talk to me I could say, with a mouthful of jelly beans, "Don't interrupt me! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M WORKING HERE?!" I mean, I do that now anyway, but it's considered "bad parenting" instead of "a good work ethic."

Do You Have Any Fingers Left? Great! Now Write Me a Story.

"Writers wanted for true Colorado Outdoor Adventure Stories I am looking for EXTREMELY adventurous TRUE stories from your own experience. Encounters with wildlife Lost in the wilderness Lost on the mountain in a blizzard Ice climbing close call" Now, after you crawl back home with your severed leg from the bear attack and your bloody finger stumps from the unfortunate frostbite incident, write me a story! You can peck at the keys with your face if you have to. Oh, and can you make it funny? My readers love funny. Like, "how was I supposed to know that grizzly bears love Clif Bars??? So there I am, with only one leg, and nothing to eat! I just wanted to laugh, but thought I better conserve my energy since I was bleeding out on the trail." For your harrowing story of true bravery and infected bite wounds, I will pay you $5. But remember, your name would be on it! How exciting! Now none of your friends will EVER go on a trip with you again. And really your name isn...

Wait, What Are You Looking For?

"Ghost writing autobiographies" Wait, you are a ghost writing autobiographies, or you're looking for a ghost to write autobiographies? Those are two completely different things. "Needs content for teeth aligned companies" I am assuming you mean teeth-alignment companies. Or do all of these companies have perfect dental alignment? I didn't think companies had teeth, but I'm no expert. "Email newsletters, blog posts, and possibly email drip campaign copywriting (in edgy swagger voice)" In what? Am I supposed to know what "edgy swagger" means? Is that a term a lot of people are using? "Responsive Squarespace Website for Infant" I don't think most babies can read. Or navigate websites. Or sit up. "Dog product testor" Do you want a person to test these products? Or are you searching for dogs? You're much more likely to find them on Pupwork. Oh, never mind, you're looking for a testor, not a tester. Carry ...

Downworker

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