Luxurious and Opulent

This morning I came across a job post from someone who needed "a blog writer who has experience writing about luxurious opulent pieces." The fact that I don't even know what would qualify as a "luxurious opulent piece" means I'm clearly not qualified, but it left me wondering what that even means. Like, what would said person's resume look like?

Things I like to write about:

• Couches that are only comfortable if you drape yourself on them like a pouty supermodel
• Chairs that should never be touched
• Gold things
• Diamond-encrusted things
• Everyday items that are never to be used for their intended purpose (teapots that cannot get wet, shoes that could never be walked in, etc.)
• Items that require descriptions like festooned, brocaded, filigreed, and gilded

I'm the exact opposite of luxurious and opulent. What would that be? Destitute and economical? Common and depressed? I'm going to go with modest and utilitarian. I like my teapots to make tea, and I'm not into bedazzling anything.

Interestingly, the hiring organization has paid an average of $12.78 per hour to their past hires. Nobody is going to be bedazzling anything on that income. 

Time to get back to work,

Sadie