Skip to main content

I Wish I Were High

My parents were wrong. My teachers were wrong. Nancy Reagan was wrong. They all said that drugs were bad and would ruin your life, but Upwork tells me that's just not true.

Have you seen how many cannabis, CBD, and hemp-related jobs there are?!

I just saw one that said it was looking for "experts in the cannabis field to help build content for a cannabis-related platform." I'm not really sure what a "cannabis-related platform" is. To me, it sounds like some sort of jungle gym made out of hemp, but as we've already established, I'm no authority on this topic.

I'm one of the kids who never smoked pot, and now I'm truly regretting it. I could be writing blogs about hemp, creating product descriptions for hemp-based CBD tinctures, and coming up with advertorials for CBD dog treats! And you know what? Most of the cannabis-related jobs pay really well!

These people are looking for experts to describe their medical marijuana and CBD oils, and I am definitely not an expert. Is it too late for me to dabble? Getting high during a pandemic with your kids at home sounds bad, but horticultural research for employment opportunities sounds okay. See, that's what good writing can get you—"questionable parenting choices" suddenly become "steps showing true job dedication."

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Wait, What Are You Looking For?

"Ghost writing autobiographies" Wait, you are a ghost writing autobiographies, or you're looking for a ghost to write autobiographies? Those are two completely different things.  "Needs content for teeth aligned companies" I am assuming you mean teeth-alignment companies. Or do all of these companies have perfect dental alignment? I didn't think companies had teeth, but I'm no expert. "Email newsletters, blog posts, and possibly email drip campaign copywriting (in edgy swagger voice)" In what? Am I supposed to know what "edgy swagger" means? Is that a term a lot of people are using?  "Responsive Squarespace Website for Infant" I don't think most babies can read. Or navigate websites. Or sit up.  "Dog product testor" Do you want a person to test these products? Or are you searching for dogs? You're much more likely to find them on Pupwork. Oh, never mind, you're looking for a testor, not a tester. Carry ...
Post a Comment
Read more

You'd Better Not Be Lying About the Pizzas!

Although I started this blog recently, the original idea for it came more than a year ago, not long after I started looking for jobs on Upwork. This was how the post began. "I want an experienced writer who is interested in pizza cooking. You'd better have 1-year experience on pizza cooking." You'd better have one year of experience cooking pizzas? Is that meant to sound like a threat, because it sounds like a threat. Don't come to me with ten months of pizza-baking experience and think I won't know! I mean, STOP WASTING MY TIME!  Luckily I haven't encountered any other pizza-baking, cookbook-creating potential employers using strong-arm tactics since.
Post a Comment
Read more

Psst! Fifty Bucks for a Book Report?

Back in my day we just copied off of each other on tests, but students these days are much more savvy. They hire people to do their homework for them on Upwork. Nobody comes out and says, "please do my homework assignment," but there are usually other telltale signs that your potential employer is a well-to-do, lazy teenager—the details are vague, it involves a book that every high schooler is forced to read, or it's due the same day. Here are a few that just scream, "Please do my homework!" "Article on Mother Ignacia" "Two short summaries on famous literature" "Research report due in a few hours" "Religion assignment" I said most of them don't come out and say it's coursework, but that last one is pretty straightforward about it. Maybe they are feeling particularly guilty about somebody doing their religion homework?  Wanted—a two-page paper on plagiarism for my ethics class.
Post a Comment
Read more