Find My New Mansion, Commoner!

I was searching with the keyword "blog," so I'm not even sure how this came up, but for less than minimum wage you could help a filthy rich guy find his new house!

Here are the requirements for his new digs:

Must be off market
Zestimate of $700k - $1.5M
West-facing
Directly on the river (not canal front, god forbid) or oceanfront

If you're hired, you'll be putting his letter into envelopes, addressing them by hand, and sending them out. This man cannot be bothered to search on Zillow or write on an envelope. He values his time more than that! He does not, however, value your time very much. You'll be getting $5 - $10 an hour for your hand cramping as you write "Palm Shores" and "Cocoa Beach" in your impeccable script.

Comments

Wait, What Are You Looking For?

"Ghost writing autobiographies" Wait, you are a ghost writing autobiographies, or you're looking for a ghost to write autobiographies? Those are two completely different things. "Needs content for teeth aligned companies" I am assuming you mean teeth-alignment companies. Or do all of these companies have perfect dental alignment? I didn't think companies had teeth, but I'm no expert. "Email newsletters, blog posts, and possibly email drip campaign copywriting (in edgy swagger voice)" In what? Am I supposed to know what "edgy swagger" means? Is that a term a lot of people are using? "Responsive Squarespace Website for Infant" I don't think most babies can read. Or navigate websites. Or sit up. "Dog product testor" Do you want a person to test these products? Or are you searching for dogs? You're much more likely to find them on Pupwork. Oh, never mind, you're looking for a testor, not a tester. Carry ...

You'd Better Not Be Lying About the Pizzas!

Although I started this blog recently, the original idea for it came more than a year ago, not long after I started looking for jobs on Upwork. This was how the post began. "I want an experienced writer who is interested in pizza cooking. You'd better have 1-year experience on pizza cooking." You'd better have one year of experience cooking pizzas? Is that meant to sound like a threat, because it sounds like a threat. Don't come to me with ten months of pizza-baking experience and think I won't know! I mean, STOP WASTING MY TIME! Luckily I haven't encountered any other pizza-baking, cookbook-creating potential employers using strong-arm tactics since.

The Romans Finally Left! CANNONBALL!!

This job opportunity on Upwork is no longer available, which surprises me, because it means somebody actually attempted to do it. "Newsletter for Jewish Holidays We are a contractor on the pool business and we need a content writer to specifically write content for our newsletters that are sent on Jewish holidays. Need someone that understands the Jewish culture and can create connections between a pool company and Jewish holidays." Here's the problem—if you understand Jewish culture, you also understand that there are no connections to swimming pools that could possibly be made. Most of our holidays are about celebrating that we escaped persecution, eating special high-calorie foods, or celebrating that we escaped persecution by eating special high-calorie foods. Rosh Hashanah What it is? The Jewish New Year. It is one of the High Holidays. Jews who never go to temple go on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. It's like the Jewish equivalent of Christmas and Easter in t...

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